Poll Finds 100% of Americans Agree That 'Something Needs to Be Done' About Everything

In a groundbreaking study released today, the American Institute for National Consensus (AINC) revealed that a staggering 100% of Americans believe that "something needs to be done" about literally everything. From climate change to the price of avocados, no issue is too big or too small to escape the collective scrutiny of the nation.

The Survey: A Deep Dive into National Concerns

The survey, conducted over a period of 72 hours using a combination of online polls, text message surveys, and the occasional handwritten note slipped under the door, reached an unprecedented level of participation. "We were expecting a 15% response rate, maybe 20% if we bribed people with pizza coupons," said Dr. Linda Hargrave, lead researcher at AINC. "But 100%? That's unheard of."

The results were equally astonishing. When asked, "Do you believe something needs to be done about [insert issue here]?", respondents answered affirmatively to every single issue presented, including:

• Climate Change: "Absolutely. It's getting hotter than my grandmother's attic in July."

• Healthcare: "Yes, I need a doctor who doesn't charge me rent for a 15-minute consultation."

• Education: "Definitely. My kid's math homework looks like hieroglyphics."

• Avocado Prices: "Without a doubt. I miss the days when guacamole was affordable."

• The Kardashians: "Yes, something needs to be done. But what, exactly? We're not sure."

Political Leaders Respond

Political leaders across the spectrum have expressed unanimous support for the findings. President Donald Trump tweeted, "Great poll. Everybody's talking about it. Believe me, I know polls. This one is the best."

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi commented, "It's time for action. We can't keep kicking the can down the road. Unless it's a can of soup, in which case, let's stockpile it."

Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer added, "We need bipartisan solutions. Perhaps a joint resolution to address the pressing issues of our time, starting with the price of avocados."

Public Reaction

The public has responded with a mix of enthusiasm and confusion. "I always knew something needed to be done," said local resident Karen Mitchell. "But now that everyone agrees, I'm not sure where to start."

Others are more skeptical. "It's all well and good to agree that something needs to be done," said Tom Reynolds, a self-proclaimed political analyst. "But until someone figures out what that something is, we're just spinning our wheels."

Experts Weigh In

Political analysts are divided on the implications of the survey. "This is a historic moment," said Dr. Harold Jenkins, a political scientist at the University of Chicago. "For the first time in history, the American public is united in their desire for action. Now, if only we could figure out what action to take."

Economist Dr. Susan Lee offered a more cautious perspective. "While it's encouraging that everyone agrees something needs to be done, the real challenge lies in determining what that something is and how to implement it without causing further complications."

The Future of Action

As the nation grapples with the implications of the survey, one thing is clear: Americans are ready for change. Whether that change involves tackling climate change, reforming healthcare, or simply making guacamole affordable again, the consensus is undeniable.

In the coming weeks, AINC plans to release a follow-up survey asking, "What exactly needs to be done about [insert issue here]?" Early indications suggest that 100% of Americans will agree that something needs to be done, but the specifics remain to be determined.

Until then, the nation waits with bated breath—and perhaps a side of chips—for the next steps in this unprecedented journey toward consensus.